I promised myself last year after this bit of ugliness that the next time I would post about another boyfriend on my blog again it would be to announce an engagement or pregnancy.
(Mom, take a breath and calm down. I would at least be *living* with him before I got pregnant. LOL. I’m kidding Mom. I don’t even want kids! Ok. Seriously, Mom. Put down the phone and sit down. I would get married first. I’m just playing with you).
But, The jig us up. I cannot keep anything to myself! So, how’s this…. I just won’t make him a permanent cast member of Miss Celie’s Pants? That way he can disappear quietly when we break up to be replaced by a new occassional player.
Due to his aversion to animal products, we’ll call him the Vegan. Now, the reason I’m posting this is because between dating the Vegan and work being busy I AM NOT SEWING. And, I’m starting to get irritated by it.
I’m not sure what to do about it either. At least three nights a week I work late until 8 or 9 at night. I ususally have to work one day on the weekend. Normally, I would sew during the in between. But, I’m either too tired, quite happily spending time with him or cleaning (Yes, I do a minimal amount of cleaning now because he comes to my house and I have pride). And considering for the first time in my adult life I’m seeing someone who actually would spend most of his free time with me, I’m at a loss.
Do, I put him on a two-day a week schedule so I can get other things stuff done? Or do I wait it out because at some point in the future, we won’t be as hot and heavy? If only it was football season I know I could get my Sunday, Monday and Thursdays back!!
Thoughts people? Seriously? And don’t tell me that I must not really like him if I’d rather be sewing. All that will get you is the side eye. Beacuse that’s what two married friends said to me.
Miss Celie's Pants 
You crack me up!
I think you ought to talk with Vegan about the sewing thing. I’m all for transparency in a relationship. It’s possible that he also has a hobby that he is not doing right now (because he is so thrilled with you) and that he is getting a little twitchy about it.
You could have hobby nights. How disgustingly cute would that be?!?!
So I think I’m in your age range, so can imagine very easily what life is like…and while I’ve been married (for a while too!), I disagree w/your married friends. I say go jump his bones, the hot & heavy stuff will down in a while. But geez, doesn’t he play video games or some other guy thing you’re not into? If the dude doesn’t have a hobby or something to occupy his time (seriously, football season doesn’t go all year ’round), then maybe there’s a problem w/that???
He gets to do his hobbies and see his friends when I’m stuck working! It’s great for him.
Totally being up-front about your hobby is the right thing to do. Put him on two-day a week is also a good thing if both sides agree. As the relationship progresss, you guys won’t mind spending half of your times doing hobby in the same house. for ex, he can watch football or play video games while you sew in the oher room. just don’t go MIA on sewing for your dear readers 🙂
Oh hunneeeee! Speaking as a woman that has been married seemingly FOREVER-absolutely positively without fail make time for YOUR OWN PURSUITS! Because if this does turn into hot and heavy “lets get married in June and spend the next ten years making babies”, he will have come to expect your undivided attention whenever HE is not busy, and this is NOT the ideal situation for a woman that NEEDS to sew. I’m speaking with the voice of experience-I have to get shrew-ish to get sewing time because the husband and the son both seem to think that I’m available all the time without fail no matter what else I might be doing-don’t let this be you!
Congrats on a new fella, Cidell! I’ve found it really essential to chat about my myriad hobbies (obsessions?) early on with a new guy. My most recent bf had his own hobbies and pastimes that he wanted to pursue, which is SO important. We agreed to see each other mid-week (Wednesday night was date night) and then spend time on the weekend as well. It was a flexible agreement, but gave us both “permission” to satisfy our own independent needs. I loved that we respected each other enough to give each other space to do non-coupley stuff. It’s important.
I had a hard time with this, too, when I first started dating my husband and I didn’t know how to handle it. The best thing would be to talk about it and know that even though you’re into each other that you need time for your things, too. Maybe while you sew he could watch tv or play games or something else so you’re still together, like Sulovessew said. Hahaha.. that’s what the hubby and I do.
I’d be up front with the sewing, but keep up the “hot and heavy”! I love the beginning of a relationship, so exciting. Show off your sewing talents and skills, I guarantee he will be impressed.
Congratulations! I second talk to him but keep the hot ‘n heavy. When DH and I met (15 years ago today, yawn!) he had lots of time on his hands and I didn’t. Yes, it was a bit much sometimes, but I always saw the advantages of being with someone who really, really wants to be with me, and these days we’re lucky if we get one date night a month. So enjoy it while it lasts!
I agree with Colleen but I also say enjoy the hot n heavy. I truly believe that men respect it when a women has her own thing. He cant expect you to always be available for him. I dont know if you want to put him on a schedule though. I say do what you feel like doing at the time if its hanging out with him then do so and if you want to get some of a project done tell him you are busy that day. Enjoy being single and Have fun!! P.S. I do miss your projects though!!!LOL
first off – please don’t feel pressured to write anything (either good or bad)! We’re the random internet followers and I’m sure we all know life can get in the way of making sometimes.
Make use of the ‘hot and heavy’ for the moment definitely – and maybe carve out one night a week for you! That way when you settle down and feel comfortable being in the same house but doing different things – you can get your sewing back up there again! 😀
Cracking up over here… Instead of “do I put him on a schedule” – why not TALK to him about it?!? 🙂 Say honey, you’re awesome, and I love spending time with you, but I also love to sew, and I’m feeling sort of sad that I can’t enjoy my favorite hobby, which happens to be a pretty solitary activity. See what he sez.
When hubby and I were semi-long-distance dating, we’d see each other on weekends only, and I was nutty because I couldn’t get a damn thing done the whole weekend. He ended up doing a lot of domestic errands w/me (eg, take me grocery shopping), sometimes he’d bring a book or his laptop and do his own thing while I did mine, sort of together, sort of not. We’re the same now, 15 years later – he sits in the computer room (aka “man cave”) while I do other activities elsewhere in the house. I visit him and we chat when I’m taking a break. ‘Course, we passed out of the honeymoon phase years ago… 😉
Just take it one day at a time — Enjoy and dont sweat the small stuff. If your meant to have a boyfriend great the sewing will wait. You I am sure wont go naked.I too worked, dated, married, retired, fitted sewing as I could now retired I sew to may hearts content
Definitely talk with Mr. Vegan, and schedule time out for yourself. That’s essential in a relationship, and it keeps the balance. Communication is the key. If you’re happy, and he’s happy, that makes for a very good relationship. You don’t want to start resenting him because you’re missing out on something.
I say bring the sewing machine up to the living room if he’s spending time at your house… that way you can spend time with both of them. It’s what I did to stop the complaining.
Barbara
And that works??? My BF complains about the noise… 😉
What I´ll do is ask him, whether he wants noise and me in the same room or peace and quiet and me in my sewing room. It´s about even.
@Cidell: I would talk to him about it. Sewing is obviously a big part of your life and he will have to accept that (which I´m sure he will). But you have to be comfortable with the arrangement as well. Isn´t the grass always greener on the other side? Just make sure it´s your choice. I´ve been through the “worrying-what-he-wants-and-doing-that-instead-of-what-I-want” with my BF and it got to the point where I couldn´t take it (or actually myself) anymore. We´re currently working through that.
If you havent already told him about how much you love to sew, you should. I think he is going to love you even more. And then perhaps you can talk about your sewing plans with him. Like “I am making the cutest dress ever and I can’t wait to show it to you, I am almost done with it, and I want it to be a surprise for you, so I want to stay in and sew tonight”.
I agree with Barbara. I was sewing before I met my husband and I’ll be sewing after he’s gone. 🙂 I’ve spent almost 40 years with the man and early on in our relationship, I’d have the sewing machine on the kitchen table sewing while he read the paper or a book. I was a teenager and lived with my parents, and he and my mum would often play scrabble while I sewed. When I went to his home, I took knitting or some hand sewing.
If sewing is part of who you are, then he’ll accept that just as he accepts (and loves) the rest of you.
What makes momma happy, makes EVERYONE happy! 🙂 just do what works for you! the vegan will understand, and it will make your time together so much better. Good Luck!
I’m for honesty too. Just tell him that you need some ‘alone’ time as my dd calls it. take it from a woman who will be married 38 years this summer, you can’t be in each other’s pockets all the time. You need your sewing time, just tell him!
Oh, just don’t make him any ties.
In a million years I won’t, LOL!
I don’t understand. I made my DH a tie the first Chirstmas we were dating. It still hangs in the closet, don’t think I’ve ever seen him wear it. 😉
If you played a sport you would continue to do that. You wouldn’t let the team down to see your boyfriend. So make a game day you might have a buy every now and then but if you set a committed time you may find it easier. Part of you dilemma seems to me that you do like him allot so that is why you hesitate to remove him from a day in your life.
How wonderful for you! I say just enjoy the time with him. I don’t get much sewing done (well none really) cos I spend my spare time vegging out with my daughters. Sure, don’t do housework before sewing, but relationships are far more fun and worthwhile than sewing!! Sewing will come back later, but if it doesn’t cos you are having too good a time – who cares?
This is the exact reason I don’t date! So, I have no advice for you, sorry! 🙂
Why can’t he come over and you two just hang…he can do man stuff…watch sports or whatever, and you can sew some?
Enjoy your time together. In a few months time when it’s not so new and you can keep your clothes on when you’re together, you’ll both feel like doing more of the things you did before you met and you’ll settle into a new routine which makes time for your relationship and your hobbies. Don’t miss out on the good bits. We’ll all still be here when you come up for air.
Or you could just move him in with you and then you can sew with him there. (Cidell’s mom, please don’t hit me!)I’m just kidding!
Love reading the different points of view, and happy to hear that you are enjoying time with a new chappie! I surely don’t think there’s any need to apologize for taking some time for what you enjoy and (though this sounds so calculating and regressive) it can’t be unstrategic for him to see that you won’t choose to spend every “free” second with him. And it sets a good precedent.
Work is great it gives you money. Sewing is for your soul.
Are you going to share a photo of the Vegan? You know we all want to have a look see right? Sewing is for your soul just as the previous commenter posted, remember that. It is what fulfills your need to create and don’t give that away to anyone.
Don’t tell him you need alone time. Just wait til things go down to a solid simmer, and then see if he wants to just hang at your place while you sew. You know, he can watch the tube or putter in the garage, and you can do your thing.
And here I thought you were working a lot. I am so old-fashioned…
If it were me (and it has been in the past), when he calls or shows up, I’d be happy to see him, let him know he’s welcome to stay & watch TV or whatever, but that I have to get some stuff done. I’d also set up the sewing machine & ironing board where he’s hanging out. I actually got my ex interested enought that he learned how to sew.
Sew with him there. He can read or watch admiringly or make you dinner…it worked for me. 🙂
I was wondering about the lack of productivity, as you are a very prolific sewist. I’m very happy for you–you should definitely take advantage of the hot and heavy. I agree with many others, talk to him about your sewing. I suspect that you sew so frequently as it’s probably a calming/meditative process (I could be wrong), and if you stop abruptly and completely, then your life will become somewhat off-balanced. I say this because last year I stopped dancing (one of my favorite hobbies) because of overload at work. It was one of the most emotionally exhausting years I’ve ever experienced. Talk to the Vegan and schedule a night a week so you can sew. It sounds like he’s taking a lot of your free time (which can be enjoyable), but it can also not allow you to get re-charge (while he is able to re-charge when you are working). And someone else already mentioned it, don’t craft for him unless you have a ring on your finger (I think that’s a direct quote). And of course, as everything with the random internet advice, take which ever advice you feel works best.
Rose in SV
I assume he knows you sew, right? So, why not try and get him interested in you sewing by suggesting to sew him something! Then (possibly) he will want you to sew, because he will be getting stuff (sometimes…..)! Good luck and congrats on the new beau!
Congrats on the Vegan in your life. Agree on the talking everyone has suggested. Just having a few sewing breaks here and there makes all the difference. Have fun!
Congratulations on the vegan!!! How exciting.
DH and I have VERY busy lives (we are often 2 ships passing in the night, especially when you factor in very young kids), so our time together often involves him reading or doing whatever he wants, while I cut/ trace/sew…I get little enough sewing time as it is!
Having said that, I would agree also, enjoy the beginning of the relationship, but occasionally throw in comments, casually, about sewing, and how important it is to you, your timeout etc, so that when things settle down somewhat, you can make plans for it, and work a schedule out with him. Hope that helps, and congratulations again.
And yes, no more ties:-p
hmm, everyone and their sister has advice on this one, huh? Personally I always took the day on Saturday to work on my own projects. I used to have an official art class to go to which made it easier to say hey I’m disappearing for a few hours. Anyway, my guy quickly figured out that I was easier to be around if I had a day a week to myself. I found a weekend day worked out well for me because it gave me enough time to get something done but we still had the evening to spend together. Good luck!
I don’t have advice to offer, but simply am happy for you and thinking what a wonderful problem to ponder!
I think Linda said exactly what I wanted to say!
Congratulations Cidell. I’m with those saying tell him and enjoy some time on your own now and then. It doesn’t have to be a fixed schedule. But I’m with those too that say that you should enjoy your time together too. Try to sew now and then and have fun together!
“If only it was football season I know I could get my Sunday, Monday and Thursdays back!!”
Hahahahahahaha! Snort!
Here’s some advice from an old married fart. Just go with the flow. It was a long time ago, but I remember needing to sneak time away from then-beau-now-DH of nearly yupdeeyup years. The first thing I would do on our nights apart was head up to my room (I rented a house with 3 roomies) to sew. As Larry and I got closer and past the infatuation stage, he realized that sewing was really important to me, and he gave me the time and space to do it. And when we bought a house together, he specifically said, “This bedroom can be the guest bedroom, and you can use this one for your sewing room.” Once we had kids, we added on to the house, and one small room in the addition became my new sewing room. God I love that man! So there is hope!
I say teach the Vegan to sew…if he screams and goes running then he will look at you in awe when you sew something and he will honor your hard work…or you’ll get someone to do your buttons for you.
You need to sew for your mental health. I’m sure he wants you to be happy. I used to tell my DH that I needed some sewing time when we were dating and he never minded because that gave him “permission” to do stuff alone too.
Can’t you spend time together sewing?
I would say something along the lines of,
“I really enjoy spending time with you, but [fill in the time frame] is the time I set aside to sew. You are welcome to come hang out with me while I sew, but I understand if you choose to do something else.”
A brief cautionary tale: I found this out the hard way in my last relationship. He thought my sewing/hobbies were stupid and the light (if he was in the room), and the sewing machine noise (if he wasn’t) bothered him so much that I stopped. Then he wanted to know why I was getting depressed. It took a while to figure it out, but it was because I was cut off from something that brought me inner peace. It really put sewing and my other creative hobbies into perspective for me.
Enjoy the special moments! You’ll work something out once the excitement “settles” – if ever so slightly 😉
Seriously, what matters is that you find out what makes you most happy. If you feel you miss sewing too much to feel totally dandy (and you’re saying that you are irritated), then by all means try and get a few evenings “off” so you can regain your sanity. It’s part of who you are, so chances are he’ll fully understand.
But if you’re feeling totally fine for now, and just have a nagging feeling about the sewing that isn’t getting done, well – life is long. You’ll get to make plenty, plenty more garments in the future!
I’m happy for you!
I remember my single days sewing for hours at a stretch. At the time I had no other responsibilites and now I have a husband, a daughter, and five pets!
I did date a few fellows who resented my sewing, even hand-sewing while watching TV! They didn’t last. I mean who could resent embroidery!
My husband is not of this ilk. Thank heavens! But I have had to seriously redo my sewing approach if I wanted to include a family in my life. I can’t give you advice per se, I can just tell you what I have done as a serious sewer in love with a wonderful man.
I once thought that just getting in 10-20-30 minutes here and there would ruin my feeling of “flow”- but my mind is changed as much as my living arrangements.
I once had a portion of a private space to sew, my bedroom – now I set up shop right in the living room with machine, serger, sewing desk and a basket of my current project. (The rest I do store somewhere else.) I find I like sewing admidst my family better than solitude.
I used to hate housework – now I have an approach that takes this into account.
I used to try to rein in my propensity to get distracted – now I use that to my advantage.
I used to sew for hours on end – now I take the two things above, housework and distraction and turn them around. I used to resent housework for distracting me from sewing, now I use sewing to distract me from housework. Tidy the house, sew a seam; put the dishes on to soak, cut a pattern, etc.
I am sorry to go on and on in your comment section but when I read your post I felt for you so much. I married when I was 31. Plenty of time to date and sometimes I dated men who had no real hobbies and found my passion for creating with fabric to be unfathomable. It doesn’t seem as if serious sewing could ever be a stumbling block to serious relationship but it is a component of life that must be integrated and that your loved one must be cool with.
The point that I am getting at is, not that you do what I do – but is there an approach or way of thinking about sewing and time that you now have, because you love doing things this way and it has always worked in the past – can you begin to think about approaching in the opposite way without letting your mind dismiss those alternate solutions too quickly.
I know I am getting into quirky territory but I am sewing now in a way that I never would have thought would please me, and now it pleases me like punch. This is what has worked for me and you are going to find what works for you. I wish you the very best in your relationship.
(When the babies come it all changes up again! If that happens we’ll talk again :).
Enjoy your guy! Sewing will always be there (and hopefully so will your guy, if things keep going well). Spend your time with him. Maybe he’ll have a guys night planned soon, or just tell him you need one night off to relax and recharge (and sew a bit). 🙂 A little further into the relationship, you could do like my husband and me: my sewing space next to his computer desk, both facing the TV. It’s our version of quality time. 🙂
Enjoy the hot and heavy for a while. If/when it settles down to a comfortable level, you can maybe sew or just pin and cut out while talking to him. I do this when I’m really inspired, and my hubby is always happy to watch the creation process. It’s sorta like what Jenny (comment 45 above me) said. Good luck, and have fun!
Does he have a hobby that can travel? If so, tell him to bring it along, and you can have hobby night. Or day.
Or simply tell him the sewing is important to you. Prince Charming likes movies, so he watches his guy flicks (Dumb & Dumber – I swear it requires the Y chromosome to be watched!) while I sew.
I say go with the hot and heavy for awhile because things will settle down. 🙂 I take nights “off” from The Boyfriend so that I can sew. He knows it’s something I need to do and he doesn’t complain about it. Of course, we’ve been dating long enough that I can ask him to make dinner while I take care of household chores (or even cut out a garment!). Football season is great because they are glued to the TV all weekend! It’s really hard to balance everything, isn’t it? Once you throw kids in the mix it gets really hairy!
Awesome about the dating – I’m happy for you.
Hmm. One of my two major relationships was a long-distance thing; another was during a job for which I travelled 4 days a week. Therefore, I have no perspective on how much together time is either normal or appropriate in a relationship.
That being said – I absolutely need a certain amount of ‘alone time’ in order to function. Without that, I feel twitchy and out-of-balance. Maybe you can stake out an evening a week that functions as your alone time? And sew during that period?
I too think you should go with the flow. Relationships are more important than sewing, but sometimes you need time for your own thing to feel right in yourself. I find when I am really busy and itching to sew that tiny sessions before or after work, or while dinner is cooking in the oven etc, etc, even just 15 minutes at a time, can help me feel as if I am still sewing. If you really want to sew you will squeeze it in somewhere, and if you don’t right now, you can always do it later!
Forgive a second comment- but after reading the comments I want to share my 31st birthday: in Paris, visiting my best friend with boy (not engaged yet) in tow. Boy is taking us out to fancy nice restaurant for bday celebration, best friend says “I can stay home and study, it’s your birthday.” My response “I’ve known you longer, you are my best friend, if things work out boy will be with me next year but if things don’t work out I know I can count on you to be there next year.” (so yeah, things worked out with boy, but I don’t regret that decision!)
I can understand your needing your own time completely. If it’s getting to the point of starting to really bug you it might affect the relationship. I think you should tell him about it and if he’s a nice guy and really into you he will understand. He could still hang around and talk to you (and if he’s really nice he can keep you going with a constant supply of food/tea/whatever! ;))
Looks like you’ve gotten enough advice, so I’ll just say I hope this works out (for both your sewing time, and the guy). And what ever you decide, when your work schedule slows down, you can always revisit the plan. Who knows, by the time you aren’t so busy at work, he may be.
Vegan, huh? My question is – will this affect your fabric purchases?? Is this the end of silk and wool for you? And what about the stash?
And don’t tell me that I must not really like him if I’d rather be sewing. All that will get you is the side eye. Beacuse that’s what two married friends said to me.
I can’t believe anyone would say this. I would rather sew than spend time with my dh or kids, but I still really like them. Really, I do.
Here’s my suggestion. Get him to start playing World of Warcraft or some other really addictive video game. Then he can bring his laptop over to your house and he can play while you sew.
My two cents worth only because I read your blog, I read what other people say about you and think you are a wonderful person. Otherwise my red flags and I would butoutski.
Considering both of my long term relationships (and yes one was a marriage) died (in part) because he got to do all of his hobbies and guy things and I was told to stop doing mine to pay attention to him, I am strongly advising caution about making yourself available to him to fit his schedule all the time.
You don’t want to get into a situation where you end up with a guy who tells you (of your sewing) to “get rid of all that junk.”
Now there were other factors, obviously that killed my relationships. But being told to throw out my hobbies was a big one. Shame on me for putting myself in that position twice.
Please set boundaries, dear. And think long and hard about what you would do if you had to choose between him and your life. There should be a healthy balance.
(The previous comment about computer games give me PTSD nausea and chills. The ex husband and the ex potential husband were both hardcore gamers. Never again.)
Sorry for going all mom-like on you but like I said, I got red flags reading what you wrote. All that said, I honestly hope you and the vegan work out and he becomes a supportive partner and enhancement to your life!
Hey gorgeous,
I’m right there with you. I feel so silly NEEDING to sew, especially as I’m not terribly skilled. But there I am chewing the carpet in the urgent need to comune with my sewing machine. My fella is an only child and is used to a lot of attention, so I do have to butter him up for a day or two and then tell it to him straight in order to get an afternoon by myself here and there. I have two little kids (single mum, just dating the aforementioned fella) and I work too, so it gets really tricky fitting in all that I need to do to stay sane. It isn’t easy to justify logically (although believe me I try) but I just know life feels better when I can indulge my sewing obsession.
The passion that is such a major part of a new relationship is a strong force- one of life’s irresistible gifts- but selfhood needs protecting too.
By the way, on a more practical note, I went to a great vegan restaurant here in London just yesterday, on an old double decker bus. Ok, it’s a long way for a date, but I would recommend it. The chocolate and banana cake is great and it’s right next door to all the gorgeous fabric shops in Soho. Double drool!
Shouldn’t that be the jig is up? glad to hear the cop is really history.
Probably! It’s one of those prhrases I’ve heard but never seen spelled. A jig is a dance so I thought gig being a job made more sense.
When I first met Mr S we lived 280 miles apart and only saw each other at the weekends. As I worked full time and commuted at least 3 hours a day, the weekends were the only time when I could lay my hands on a needle. I knew he was a keeper when he didn’t bat an eyelid when I picked up some sewing whilst he visited.
I have been married 21 years. And I get really REALLY cranky if I can’t sew. It used to be for the kids. All stuff for the kids. Always stuff for the kids. Now? They are grown up, out of the house & I seem to have less time to sew, but I sew for myself. I think, that regardless of your familial status – you’ll FIND time to sew. I am passionate about sewing & crafting & just MAKING – and I make the time. It’s , after all, therapy & necessary!
Sam
I’m still laughing at how you tweaked your Mom….
Congratulations on the new boyfriend. My husband will sometimes sit in my sewing room while I sew! I love it! He is useful, he offers suggestions, and helps me with fittings. Let him know about your love for sewing from the beginning. Have fun!
Congratulations! I’d say go with the flow but start to carve out sewing time for yourself. I think enjoying the budding of a new relationship is great so cut yourself some slack and enjoy it. Sewing will be there but like someone else suggested, devote small amounts of time for yourself so you don’t feel you’re leaving sewing behind. I miss your projects, but of course, you have a life! lol.
Sounds like the perfect use for your featherweight to me – it can easily be transported around the house and they’re reasonably quiet 😉
Tell him you want to sew sometimes and encourage him to read papers/net surf/do sudokus while you do it? I’m not sure if it’s too early to do the “hang out doing different stuff” thing, but if he’s a keeper you’ll get there soon enough…
Or just invite him over for some REALLY heavy meals that guarantee mansleep after eating, then go to town on the machine.
What I did with my current team player was bring him in on it! My studio was a mess he painted it for me and helped me set it up and now instead of neglecting my many crafts, to spend time with him…if I’m in there working he will come in put on some music and we chat happily while I work. And because one of my crafts is scrapbooking I have camera’s laying around and he loves picking them up and taking pics. I sew as well and messed up one of my projects *Don’t Drink and Sew* and he actually sat there and patiently ripped the seam for me without damaging the material because I was ready to toss it! So I say bring him! Get him a coloring book or something LOL! Just Kidding but you know what I mean! and CONGRATS on the new boo!
Ha ha! I have the same dilemma with the Conductor. I finally told him that I’ll give him one entire day on the weekend and one nite during the week. He actually seemed relieved, probably because he has a life too, which I love. So you never know. TIP: I let my handsewing stuff pile up and then take a bunch over by him to work on when we do a movie night. I’m sewing, yet I’m spending time with him, having my cake and eating it too!
DO NOT WAIT IT OUT!!! Talk to him about it, or just make some time for yourself. If you wait, you will start to resent him for infringing on your personal time and interests and it will seriously change the way you feel about him. (Ask me how I know!)
Hey Celie-
I was in your same predicament last year. While I was unhappily married for so long, I developed my passion for sewing, and trust me, had plenty of alone time to do it. Then after divorcing and living a very monastic life for a year, met the man of my dreams. During that year of dating, I had very little time to sew. I missed it a little, but was having such a wonderful time. When we decided to get married, he moved in with me. I knew it was true love when I gave up half of my sewing room to make him a study.
We have now been married four months. He can now work at his desk while I am sewing – best of both worlds. If you think Vegan has major potential, trust me, the sewing can wait!!!!!
Regarding hobby versus man, I had many long term relationships, and each time, the guy was content to think of all that money I was saving. As if. I used to stick Vogue photos featuring the prices of the designer originals, as if “I’m making this $1500 coat for 50 cents…”
My husband always says the sewing machine engine sound reminds him of his mother…in a good way. All that Swiss thrift and mending going on. The downside is that when you have a sewing-friendly partner, he also goes into the most sensitive social situations boasting, “Would you believe, she made this cocktail dress in two days out of recycled drapes!” It takes years to train that out of a guy, but it’s all the bonus he gets for watching you prance around in muslins with your hair in a mess.
Make sure the clothes are worth his eyeballing, and there’s no problem. Also, it’s good practice to try to sew no more than one or two nights or afternoons a week. If this relationship is going anywhere, that’s all the time you’ll have with work and family later, anyway.
Good luck,
Regarding hobby versus man, I had many long term relationships, and each time, the guy was content to think of all that money I was saving. As if. I used to stick Vogue photos featuring the prices of the designer originals, as if “I’m making this $1500 coat for 50 cents…”
My husband always says the sewing machine engine sound reminds him of his mother…in a good way. All that Swiss thrift and mending going on. The downside is that when you have a sewing-friendly partner, he also goes into the most sensitive social situations boasting, “Would you believe, she made this cocktail dress in two days out of recycled drapes!” It takes years to train that out of a guy, but it’s all the bonus he gets for watching you prance around in muslins with your hair in a mess.
Make sure the clothes are worth his eyeballing, and there’s no problem. Also, it’s good practice to try to sew no more than one or two nights or afternoons a week. If this relationship is going anywhere, that’s all the time you’ll have with work and family later, anyway.
During the courtship period, I think it’s fun to sew mostly lingerie and camisoles out of pure silk, so that every weekend, you’ve got a new wardrobe of looooove. I cherish my two Vogue OOP of camis and slips. That’s where Thai silks really comes into their own! Have fun!
Good luck,
LOL at ‘Wardrobe of Luuuuv!”
You know this is a toughy!!! Even though I’m not what you would call dating age, I have similar delima…I love the guy I’m with (for almost 5 years now), and love spending time with him and love sharing activities, thoughts, time, movies, etc., with him, but I do have a business and I do sew for my clients and have schedules and the like…..
Oh well, what’s a gal to do…either we have too much time and get a lot done or none and are blissfully happy, even though we may be minus some sleep! I think I’ll take the later
How wonderful! Pictures please? I’ve never been married but until he proposes your time is your own.
How nice that you are happy with a new boyfriend.
I would be a bit wary of letting a new guy take over all my spare time, if I were you. And it seems a bit one sided that he gets to spend time on his football whenever that’s on TV, but you dont get to spend time on your thing ever for fear of him not loving you or something.
He’s not the “serve me first” guy you blogged about a while ago, is he?
What fun to read all the comments. First reaction: congratulations!! Have fun! woo hoooo!!
I am also thrilled that I am not alone with this situation; that so many other women have this strong need for creative time.
Before I met DH, I was a single mom working full time. I also played violin in a duo with a guitarist. That was a very important creative outlet for me. But courting was even more important. I wanted a life partner and was very happy to marry him. Within a year of tying the knot, my sewing hobby blossomed. I always loved sewing, and it just blossomed into my primary creative outlet. I don’t miss being out at night playing music. It is so much better this way – I can fit sewing into my schedule.
I am one of the people with a sewing room combined with comfy chairs & TV, so DH can sit and chat with me. He likes that sewing requires frequent fittings. Sometimes it’s efficient to sew in my skivvies. So, it’s all good.
I am so glad to catch up on your blog and read this great news!!
And so to clarify, I traded in my freelance music career for a husband. I am sure most would have cautioned me not to do that. But like I said, the sewing passion emerged and now I have a wonderful creative outlet that fits my life better. I didn’t plan it this way, it just worked out.
You are a creative person and you will work things out, too.
congrats again!!
Hotpatterns have some really nice n chic nighties, and a free pattern for a cami and jazz pants downloadable off of http://www.fabric.com – if that is not a surefire way to show a guy how *nice* it is when a woman knows how to sew…